If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize