I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
operation have a gay friend backfired
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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