:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
