Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
