I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
