Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
