Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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