Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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