You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize