we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
