yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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