haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
