All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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