Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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