You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
