i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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