people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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