The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
