so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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