You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the day after is always just damage control
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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