when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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