She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
