he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
