I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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