Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
