Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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