the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize