So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
