I'm jealous of your bromance
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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