You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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