Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
