god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
