Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
