I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize