I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
