he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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