I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
