wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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