I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
