I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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