Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
