Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just pee around me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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