dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need moral support for this bender
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize