Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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