worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize