I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
