my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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