Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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