it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
