How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
