You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
