I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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