Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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