Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
