it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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