u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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