Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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