Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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