Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
