Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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