we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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