turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
