I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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