i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
