Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
