Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
