I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
